Sunday, October 23, 2016

Ramblings On Miscarriage

Tomorrow will be one week since we miscarried. I say "we" because my goodness my sweet sweet husband was a huge part of that day for me. Without him there with me, I don't know how I would have handled things. I am going to be making a video on YouTube talking about my miscarriage experience, and once I do I will link it here. 

This has been by far the longest week of my life. I feel like life is going by so slow, yet way too fast. It's like I don't want the days to be passing because it hurts my heart that we are going on without our sweet baby. I know this is naive, but I truly thought I would just "bounce back" from this the next day. Boy was I wrong. I wish I had known how rough this would have been on my body. I'm exhausted beyond all measure 90% of the day, I feel moody and emotional 100% of the day, and my body hurts. It hurts so so bad. I don't know how I ever went through labor once before when I couldn't even handle this at 11 weeks along. I think the greatest pain comes from knowing I was leaving the hospital with nothing. Nothing but a broken heart and cramps that I thought would kill me. 

I think one of the hardest things for me is the dreams that have come since this. I've heard of crazy dreams during pregnancy, but my goodness the dreams after miscarriage have been so vivid. So vivid to the point of tears. Dreams of nursing a baby, dreams of being in labor, dreams of holding our precious baby. It's so hard. My heart hurts so greatly and I am still trying to find ways to cope with this. I am trying to be okay with the situation at hand and know that there is a plan for everything. But dang it, it is hard. I wonder how people who do not have a faith in God handle things. I am so comforted to know He has a plan for our life. I would hate to come out of this and just think there was no reason for everything happening. 

Nothing will show you who your true friends are quite like something along these lines. People I barely ever talk to have reached out to me and friends I thought I was closet to haven't even bothered to check in on us. Funny how that works, huh? I can not thank everyone who has reached out enough for the outpour of love during this. You guys are the best and we are so thankful for this tribe of people around us. 

I still have yet to have caffeine or a glass of wine out of guilt. Is that normal? I know some caffeine while pregnant is fine but I chose not to have any and now that I'm not pregnant….I just feel guilty. I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to have any of the things I was not supposed to be having while pregnant. 

I felt like I was pregnant for the longest time, yet no time at all. I was 11 weeks pregnant when we miscarried. We were talking that weekend about how close we were to being out of the first trimester! We had already started stock piling diapers. I already had outfits bought. We talked about if it was going to be a boy or a girl and we had names picked out. Those 11 weeks were some of the best weeks of my life, truly…and I think thats why this hurts so bad. After so long of trying, finally getting our miracle, and then having it gone all too quick.

I know we will get our baby some day. But for the time being, these are just a few of my thoughts within the first week of miscarriage. I know this is going to be a process. A process of grieving, figuring life out, and seeing where God takes our life next. This post is all over the place, but I needed to write these things down. It isn't easy for me, but I know we are on our way. 

Saturday, August 27, 2016

There Was No Us Before You

I've seen a lot of articles circling the internet talking about how "we were US before we had you"…basically, it's the idea that before we had kids, we were dating and had alone time and well…didn't have kids. Pretty dreamy, right?! The articles talk about how important is it to still date because "before we had you, we had us".

I love the idea and concept of this. However, sometimes…for some people…there is so "us" before "you". Sometimes, love happens when there are already children involved.

This post is for those people.

This is for the single parents who had to learn how to date while also being a parent. This is for the person who decided to date someone with a child, knowing what you were signing up for. This is for the people who made their relationship work, despite not always having "alone" time. This is for the people who "pre marriage dating" involved kids. This is for the people who got "alone time" after an 8pm bedtime.

I think it is important for ALL married couples to date. Please don't get me wrong on that. Dating your spouse is just one of those things I strongly believe in. However, for those people who never had "us" before "you", I feel it's even MORE important.
It's important to find yourself as a couple. It's important to find your role as husband or as wife AND as mom and as dad.

I've also read articles about being a "wife" before you were a "mom", but sometimes that isn't always the case. Sometimes motherhood comes first. I'm here to tell you…that's okay. I know I'm not the first person to say that, but I know for me personally, sometimes I read articles like the ones mentioned above and I think…none of this pertains to me. I was a mom before I was married. We were a family from day one. It's okay to not have "us" before "you" and now more than ever, it's important to DATE YOUR SPOUSE! Cook dinner together, have a game night, find a new hobby together….

Guys, I really don't even know if this post makes sense….but it's been on my heart and it's something I wanted to share.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Just Call Me "Drink Master"

I love when companies send me products and without hesitation, I know exactly what I'm going to do with them. In this case…it was add alcohol. 
Huge THANK YOU to Santa Cruz Organic for sending me this package and also to Moms Meet for always making bad a$$ opportunities happen! 

We aren't huge juice drinkers in our home mainly because my daughter will not drink it. Weird, right? Whatever, I'm not complaining. I decided to try some "adult drinks" for M and I and just so you don't think we are alcoholics, I also made a smoothie! 

We were sent two different flavors of the Agua Fresca drinks to try along with lemonade, applesauce pouches which my daughter LOVES, and an adorable cup. Can anyone have enough plastic cups?! Didn't think so. 

M and I both enjoyed the Mango flavor the most. MMM! He seriously drank it all in one day. Probably not the healthiest choice, but we live dangerously! 
I made a tasty beverage with the lemonade, vodka, peach schnapps, and bubbly water. It was a dash of this and a dash of that, no precise measuring. Because that's how we roll. And i'm lazy. But it was SO GOOD! Seriously next time you're making a drink, give this a try. 

For my healthier friends, I did make a smoothie using the pomegranate agua fresca. Pomegranate Agua Fresca, blueberries, and tart cherries. Again, so delicious! 

You can find the Santa Cruz line at most grocery stores, Whole Foods, Walmart, Target….etc. Have you ever tried Santa Cruz Organic? Let me know in the comments below if you have! Also, what drinks are you making this week?! Tag me on instagram to share! @bombshellwifelife

Monday, May 23, 2016

A MUST STOP Place On Your Way To The Grand Canyon

We've all been to a winery. We've all been to a brewery. But who has been to a MEADERY before?! I know what you're thinking…."A WHAT?!" People….a MEADERY! Mead is the fermentation of honey and water and it makes a glorious and delicious beverage. Do I have you hooked yet?!

M and I went down to Prescott a few weeks ago for a little "staycation" here in the great state of Arizona. I remember when we first started dating he was talking about Mead and how he had only had it once. I don't know how, but somehow I stumbled upon the Superstition Meadery website (probably looking for places to eat) and I was sold. I knew we had to go there. We went to a cute local place for breakfast and talked over our game place. I had to google how far the meadery was because we were walking, and I was quickly embarrassed when I googled the same damn building we were in. It was in the suite next door. Round of applause for Kaylin? Thank you, thank you very much! *takes a bow*

We walked in and I was instantly in love. The vibe, the decor, the fact that I was going to be trying mead for the first time, all of it was so exciting. Guys, this is a must stop place.

Most people driving to the Grand Canyon come up from Phoenix and take it from me, you will want to detour over to Prescott! Not just for the Meadery, but the whole town is pretty damn adorable. You'll thank me later. (I accept thanks in the form of craft beer or a trip to hawaii.) But head to this place and have a unique experience!

My favorite thing on the menu was, by far, the Blueberry Spaceship Cider. OH. MAAAHHHH. GOODNESS. Y'ALL. I could have sat there all day drinking that. But I didn't. Because I'm a contributing member to society. And I had a hotel room waiting for me that I needed to check into. And we had a dinner date at 4. BUT OTHER THAN THAT I WOULD HAVE STAYED ALL DAY TO DRINK THAT!

I liked that they offered "flights" of the mead. If you've been to any type of place where they serve alcohol, you know what I'm talking about. If you're the other 50% of my readers who don't drink, I will post pictures below. (Even though i'm sure you haven't read this far.) Okay, I digress. Like I said earlier, I have never tried mead. This was a good and entertaining way to try a little bit of everything. I recommend getting the flight. I really, really recommend it.

This was such a fun date for us. We love trying fun new places like this. What are some of your favorite restaurants/breweries/wineries to go to in Arizona/Utah/New Mexico area?

Thursday, April 28, 2016

An Open Letter To My Six Year Old

Dear Six Year Old,

I write these things because I want to remember them. If I could bottle you up right now and never let you grow, I would in a heartbeat. It literally pains me to know that each passing day is a day that you are getting older. But with each day you are also getting more wise, more beautiful, and more self-aware. 

I love that you have "found your voice", even if that means yelling at me because I've asked you four times already to feed the dog. I love that you play dress up….46 times a day. I love that you watch me do my makeup most mornings and ask "when I'm your age, I want to play with pretty makeup, too." 

I love when you first wake up and your tired little voice says "good morning", followed by a hug that comes every morning like clock work. I love when I get off work and you come running to the door because you know I'm home, quickly followed by "what's for dinner?" And no matter what I say it is, you respond with "I don't like that!" I love you for that, I really really do. 

You have lost your two front teeth at six and I could sit and talk to you all day long. Your lisp right now is the cutest. You have also gained a lot of confidence since turning six. You love to sing and dance and I just know you feel the music to your core. You are a free spirit and I love that about you. 

I love doing prayers with you every night, even if for the past year you have prayed for TWO things….a dog that passed away and our babysitter with cancer. Speaking of Crystal, our beloved babysitter, you have such a heart for her and it makes me cry every time. Shopping in the grocery store you wanted to buy Crystal flowers "just because I think it will make her happy". On the way to her house you explained to me that "even though flowers will die, we have our memories which we can look back on that make us smile." You my sweet child have a heart of gold. 
You really, really do. 

You have a heart of gold. A sweeter spirit than anyone I know. A smile that could light up a room. A laugh that is contagious. A hug that heals. A passion for life bigger than most adults I know. You make me proud. 

I love when I say "my back hurts" and you jump up to "give it rubs", even if its just tiny little fingers scratching my back. You know just how to make me smile. 

My sweet girl, I love you. I hope you never ever forget or question that. We say "I love you" 4,392 times a day, but I hope you never forget that I truly love you more than anything in this world. 

I love you at six. 

Mom of a Six Year Old

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Fitness Update & E-Hydrate!

Trying to "get into shape" is sometimes a LOT harder than it seems. AMIRIGHT?! Somedays I'm ON. Gym, water, healthy food, BAM!  Somedays I want 42 cheeseburgers. And eat a lot of chocolate. 

But nonetheless, we've been trying to get into shape! It's been going surprisingly well and M and I are both losing weight! But more than that, his major gout flare up has been calming down and my afternoon crash is going away. 

With getting into fitness also comes trying to find supplements if you chose to go that route. I don't know why but I really love trying new protein powders/types. It's like a fun game for me. I usually mix them up in my morning shakes or have a shake after the gym. E-Hydrate actually sent us these awesome protein powders to try and guys, this is the coolest thing I've seen! Simple, accessible, delicious. 

A comment I get A LOT is "Wow, you get so much stuff for free! How awesome!" Guys. It really is cool. HOWEVER. Not everything is wonderful and perfect and YAY I LOVE THIS! This protein powder actually tastes awesome and I LOVE the packaging of it. I also got sent some energy/nutrition drink mixes and they just weren't for me. I'm trying to say this in a tasteful way without being "snobby" but still being REAL.
I just didn't love the taste. BUT, to each their own. ;) 

Onto the protein powder…!
It seriously has the coolest packaging. It is so simple to take to the gym and fill up after because of this sleek design. And I'm not kidding when I say the taste is AWESOME. They even have kids mixes! I know my daughter loves being "just like mommy", so having one of these just for her was perfect! 



If you guys are looking for a fun new product to try, check this out! Get your kids involved, too! They will love it! 
What is your favorite flavor of protein? E-Hydrate even has a CINNAMON ROLL FLAVOR! Hello, amazing! You can even check out your local Target and you might find some there. ;) 

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Little Ways I Know He Loves Me...

Have you ever researched your love language? Seriously, have you?!
If you haven't, you really should. There are five love languages (gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch) and essentially it is how you express and receive LOVE.
If you've truly never looked into it, read the book and/or take the love language test. It has been revolutionary for me.

My love language? Gifts.
My husbands love language? Physical touch.
The language on the bottom of my list? Physical touch.
The langage on the bottom of my husbands list? Gifts.

I've realized my husband doesn't like surprises or gifts the same way I don't love to be smothered all day every day with hugs and kisses. But the greatest thing about marriage? We compromise for each other.
Some days I think to myself "why can't he just surprise me or get me cute gifts?!" Well…it's because he doesn't feel emotion the same way I do when it comes to those things. AND. THAT'S. OKAY.

Each day I love thinking about the ways my husband DOES in fact show me that he loves me, 
even if he's pissing me the heck off.
I think that's so important in marriage. Finding and realizing ways you still do love each other and go out of your way for each other. Like last night at 10 pm when I realized I left my charger in the car and without even asking M was first to jump up and say "I'll go get it!"

Or tonight when he told me to go to the gym right after work even though I hadn't made dinner yet. 
He just wanted me to get that workout in.

Or the times he drops my car off at my work and walks home because he doesn't want me to walk home in the cold, even if it is across the street.

Or the fact that he is a handy man and fixed our hot water heater this morning when I had no hot water for a shower.

Or when I lock my keys in my car 3,392 times and he never ONCE complains about it, 
he figures out a way to get them out.

I love the saying "never stop dating your spouse", but even bigger than that for me is don't stop remembering the small things they do for you and don't stop showing love to each other every single day. 

I love our life so so much and I love my husband so so much. I know I am a handful. I know I am emotional, and dramatic, and sometimes a flat out brat. But I love love LOVE that M handles that. He loves me in ways I need it, he shows me compassion EVERY SINGLE DAY, he CONSTANTLY is showing me his love and I am so beyond grateful so him. Marriage is a great thing, isn't it?!