What It's Really Like "Trying For A Baby"

You know, trying to get pregnant is a lot harder than I ever imagined. 

I know what you're all thinking, "Quit using protection & wham, bam, thank you ma'am you're pregnant" 
HA! If ONLY it were that simple. 

I know part of my problem is that I was naive to think anything could ever be wrong, or this would take us any time at all. Maybe naive is the wrong word? It's not like you go into "trying" for a baby and think "hey, this might not work out", but still….I should have emotionally prepared myself that this might take a few months. 

A few months have passed, and a few more, and then a few more on top of that. 
Have you seen any baby posts from me? Do you see a pregnancy announcement anywhere on my social media pages? Ya, you can guess how this whole "making a baby" thing is going for us. 

Part of this post is just for my own sanity, seeing as I feel like there is no one to talk to about this stupid, emotion filled subject. It's that one of the many awesome things that come along with being a woman? So emotional about so many different things. I apologize for the rambling. Bless my husband though, he puts up with me like a CHAMP. 
(I love you, baby) 

You see, the thing about "trying" for a baby is this: you are so filled with emotion each and every month. It goes a little something like this…
*YES! THIS IS OUR MONTH! I FEEL IT! I JUST KNOW IT!* ……… *wait, wait, wait* *………get your period*
I see it so many times on the internet "better late than pregnant" or "i'll take cramps over a baby any day" and all I can do when I get my period is cry. (Like literally bawl on the floor but that is because of the pain I get with it and all my endometriosis side effects and that is a post all in its own. And cry because i'm not pregnant. They go hand in hand.) 

There hasn't been a month since "trying" that I haven't cried. There hasn't been a month without thinking "what is wrong with me?!" There hasn't been a month without thinking "what am I doing wrong?!" There hasn't been a month where I'm not filled with anger, and depression, and sadness, and every emotion in-between. And before you even DARE say "that's not helping your case" I FREAKING KNOW THAT. I know it's not helping that I stress about it and/or get upset about it. I KNOW that our time will come, but it sure as hell doesn't make it ANY easier. 

Like how I keep saying "trying"? I have ALWAYS been that person who thinks it's SO weird when people tell others that they are trying to a baby. Like "HEY, WE'RE HAVING SEX AND WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT IT!" THAT. IS. AWKWARD. But you know what? I'm over it. I'm over caring what other people think. 

This was more of a rambling post as stated above. Sometimes I need this. Sometimes I just need to let my mind wander and let it do the typing. That's the funny and great thing about blogging. This is my little place on the internet where I can come and just be real and be me.
 Read if you wish, hate me if you want to, but either way, this is my place

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , ,